Our Precious Suicides
by xprettyinpinkxgorgeousinblackx
Summary: We all have good reason to kill ourselves. They had more than that. So far, I've written 4 suicides. They all cause the next one to happen. There are some pretty big secrets revealed...
1. Cheers!

Craig Manning

June 28, 2006

I sit in my desk chair wondering why. Why my mom left us. Why my dad beat me. Why my dad died. Why I was forced to live in this man's house. Why God chose me to receive this horrible disease. Why everything happened the way it did.

And the answers all come down to her. The "her" that had broken my heart every way a person could. The "her" that was the only person that understood me. The "her" that loved me so and yet, needed to get away from me.

And why was she the answer to everything? Because it was our destiny to meet, to date, and to fall in love. Of course, it was also destiny for us to separate. But destiny made us fall in love and that's all that matters.

Naturally, I still love her. So, why didn't I go get her when she was calling out to me on that warm summer's day? I didn't need to ask that. There were two reasons, one standing beside myself and the other standing beside her.

I loved neither of them, Manny or Ellie. But, too much had gone on between us for it not to feel awkward approaching Ashley and confessing my love for her, my undying love for her. So, I stood next to my said girlfriend, Manny, and smiled my way through the day.

The next day, I saw her and Jimmy on a date at the movies. It was obvious that she truly no longer loved me the way I loved her.

And, that's what brought me here, to my desk, to my journal, to my suicide. I held in my hand a glass of murky-looking water with at least 3 bottles of dissolved Prozac in it, contemplating my life.

Joey will probably find this journal after I'm gone. I don't want him to try to revive me, because I can't live, knowing that Ashley Kerwin doesn't love me. That is why I want Joey to give this journal to her after my passing, to show her all the pain she has caused and, most of all, that my love for her never faded, not even during my darkest hour.

And so, I now raise that murky water to my lips and toast to my life, my sucky, stupid life. Cheers!


	2. Like Romeo and Juliet

Ashley Kerwin

July 5, 2006

Today was the day of Craig Manning's funeral. Joey had notified me of his death the day after it happened. He gave me Craig's journal. It has an entry from the few moments before his suicide.

During the funeral, the priest read an excerpt from his journal, about how he loved me so much and wished I had felt the same. I could only cry, because I _had_ felt the same. Hell, I still feel the same.

Anyone who knew us well enough knew that we were soul mates. We clicked, like two peas in a pod. He got me more than anyone else, more than Jimmy, even.

Ha, Jimmy, my first boyfriend. We had some good times. We all had some good times. I remember going to the Dot after school with Paige, Jimmy, Marco, and Hazel, having straw fights and throwing water at each other in the girls' room. Craig would always come just a little late, late enough to see me, Paige, and Hazel emerge from the bathroom, soaking wet.

Craig would always joke about us being alone in the girls' room. He was always that way, joking about something or other. I guess that's one of the reasons I fell in love with him.

He also constantly complimented me on my undeniable talent. He knew I was going to be famous one day for my songs. He always said they were so deep and that I sang them so beautifully.

He had a knack to make me write. Of course, we were in love. And that's enough to write about for years, only it's gone now.

Now that I think about it, life without Craig will be meaningless. I guess he felt the same way.

That's why I intend to go down the same way he did…

So, I sit on my bed, remembering Craig and Paige and Terri and Ellie and Marco and Jimmy and Spinner, one last time. I remember all the good times and wish they'll never fade in my mind.

Now I am satisfied. I lift the kitchen knife to my young wrist and slit it open. I watch the blood slowly drip out of my veins until I am brought to my demise. My suicide, like Romeo and Juliet.

A/N: Sorry they're so short, but they're supposed to be like last diary entries before death. I hope someone will read this and review...


	3. Sugar, We're Going Down

Paige Michalchuk

July 12, 2006

She was my best friend, you know. We've known each other since we were born. Our moms were friends, too. And now all of that's disappeared.

None of us saw it coming. I mean, sure Craig's death was unexpected and it broke all of our hearts, but she didn't have to go all Romeo and Juliet and kill herself. She could've talked to me or something. Anything but suicide.

Ha, I didn't even mention her name. That shows what kind of friend I am. We never really hung out or anything. Not after her party in grade 8. God, I'm pathetic, holding a grudge from almost 4 years ago. But, I forgive her, now. Of course I forgive her. How can you not forgive a dead person? It's only right.

Ash was such an amazing person. She was incredibly talented and so nice. I wish she was still here. I wish we could go back to that day we skipped and Ash won that Elvis impersonation contest. That was a really fun day. We had finally convinced her to get over Craig.

Ashley never really found out about me and Alex. And, I should've told her. I was just too embarrassed, I guess. Embarrassed that I had hooked up with another girl, while I was still completely infatuated with her.

No one really knew that about me… that I had fallen for Ashley Kerwin, my best friend. I told her once, after her breakup with Craig. She told me that she loved me too, but as a friend. Just a _friend_.

I completely respect that she was in love with Craig, but how could she deny me when she wouldn't even forgive the poor guy? I knew she was bi. It was so incredibly obvious. She told me that Alistair was just code for Allison, her British lover. Of course, she only told me that. You know why? Because she wanted to let me know that if things didn't work out with either Craig or Ali, she was all mine.

Mine. Not anyone else's, but mine. And she will be mine, in Heaven.

I stick the loaded gun inside my mouth. I cock the trigger and pull it. And sugar we're going down.

**A/N: I hope you liked it. Please, review! Bad or good, I'll take anything. Thanks.**


	4. No Other Way to Go But Up

Hazel Aden

July 16, 2006

Paige. What can I say about her? She was my best friend. She affected my life more than anyone else. We did everything together. She was the one who convinced me to date Jimmy, who was my first boyfriend.

I thought it would be cool, dating Jimmy. I mean… Paige and I were best friends and so were Jimmy and Spinner. It was fun for the first couple months. We would double date and Jimmy and I would make out in the backseat. So, obviously, we were having fun.

I never told anyone what I'm about to tell you…

I decided to go all the way with him, after we were dating for a couple months. It was great… until he screamed someone else's name. Ashley's.

It was then that I realized that he was still hung up on his ex, who, at the time, was heartbroken over Craig. I started to wonder if there was something going on between them. And, I admit I was getting really jealous. Jimmy could tell this, which is why he finally told me the truth about their relationship… they had sex almost every day. Yeah, and Ash was supposed to be my friend, and she didn't tell me.

I felt so betrayed. What topped it off was when Jimmy was flirting with Ellie. So, I dumped him, and now I'm here.

Back to Paige… After Jimmy and I broke up, Paige started acting a little weird to me. She would touch me a lot and ask me over her house alone. It took me forever, but I finally figured out that she's a lesbian, or at least bi.

That got me thinking… what if I took a different path in my life? It was obvious she chose this path because of her past. So, now I'm sitting on my bed, holding the brick that's attached to the string that will hang me.

I look at Jimmy's picture and kiss it goodbye. I drop the brick to the ground. Now there's no other way to go but up…


End file.
